Hope Resource Center Banquet

A incredibly joyfully, mildly painful evening.  (Sigh)  I love you Lord and I thank you for revealing your greatness to me, your perfect orchestration of my life that far exceeds my imagination, even though I find it hard to rejoice in the circumstances some days.

I am going to try not to spoil several posts I have on my heart to pen, yet tonight brought together so many of the last year's events... pregnancy, the loss of, beginning an adoption, a word about crisis pregnancy ministry, the cessation of an adoption, burden on my heart for cultivating the ground entrusted to me, pregnancy no. 2, the loss of, hope in knowing a potential cause and remedy, more complications and fear, a vision for the culmination of all of those events as well as the stumbling blocks of my youth into His purpose....  oh Lord I pray for you to show me exactly how you would have me use my experience, talent and burden for life for the purpose you've set before me.

Hopefully that was a little bit of a cliff hanger.  Onto the main burden on my heart tonight.  In the simplest way... LIFE IS SO PRECIOUS!!  

I had the wonderful pleasure of seeing three sonograms tonight, one of a baby at about 7 weeks, one just over 10 weeks and a third at about 13 weeks.  In the baby at only 7 weeks gestation you could see the silhouette of it's little body, but I could not take my eyes off of the obvious beating heart!  That is only 3 weeks after a missed period - a highly visible beating heart!  Miraculous to say the least.  And I watched with tears uncontrollably rolling down my face, the sonogram of the baby at 10 weeks gestation.  To see again, the even more visible quick rise and fall of the chest as it's heart beat, a heart that could be no bigger than a pencil eraser.  My tears streamed out of the realization that our first little angel was close to this stage of development when we lost it - with features so clearly defined already.  I had not yet heard that baby's heart beat when I miscarried, but I recalled the heart beat we got to hear of our second little angel at only 6 1/2 weeks, how my heart leapt and Matt's face lit up at that sound, having confirmation of it's viability a mere three days before losing it.  To see those live sonograms and know that most abortions take place between weeks 8 to 12 should bring anyone to their knees!  How can anyone deny the life in those beating hearts?

I had an incredible peace in my soul after both of our pregnancy losses.  A peace that even amazed me.  However, I have been deeply troubled lately by parents of babes or those carrying babes who take the blessing for granted.  Many times my flesh takes hold of me and I want to shake them and knock them upside the head and tell them, "you just don't understand how precious the life is that you have, so many women like me, who can not so easily conceive and carry that child would gladly take that precious child off of your hands."  I praise God that through my miscarriages I understand even more how precious the gift of life is.  

I submit to you all:  cherish the gift of your children, stop and thank God for them frequently and know that God's grace is sufficient for all of your parenting struggles, we are gifted with the opportunity to help train up His children!